the egg is now in a nest made of shitty swords and soft puppet ass

January 16, 2009
I, George W. Bush, President of these United States of the Americas, pursuant to that pardon power thingy conferred upon me by Article II, Section 2, of that Constitution I keep hearing people go on about, have granted and by these presents do grant a full, free, and absolute pardon unto Chaobell — or as I like to call her, Tuna Poot — for the crime of bootlegging.

The aforementioned — not to mention the beforementioned — shall not be subject to any punishment for this crime, including imprisonment in a low security prison, burning at the stake or waterboarding. Well, maybe a little bit of waterboarding, but just for fun, ya know? Heh heh.

Being The Decider in Chief, I have hereby used my Decidering powers to declare that Chaobell is a faithful devotee of liberal, amoral atheism and is, as such, a technically decent but godless citizen of this great nation. To punish this person would almost certainly become a regular talking point on liberal blogs.

In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand today, on January 16, in the year of our Lord 2009 — which I totally cannot believe is actually here, and I still haven’t gotten my hovercraft — and of the Independence of the United States of America.

God bless,
George W. Bush

Get your own Presidential pardon here!

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

I present my new obsession.

I got this last weekend. It’s my first DDR game. Now I want to go to Gamestop and grab every single PS2 DDR game ever made.

I, uh, still pretty much suck at it–I’ve been playing at least two hours every day, three or four on days I haven’t had to work, and I’m just now getting comfortable with Basic level–and I kind of go “eeeh I dunno man” at anything higher than a 5 on the difficulty scale, at that. Which is still a lot more moving around than I’ve been doing, which is really why I got the damn game in the first place–I haven’t been very good about getting my ass up and moving around over the last few months and my jeans are getting a little tighter than I’d like again. Walking around the track at the park has gotten excruciatingly boring. So does every workout video I own after three or four times.

This is not getting boring. I actually can’t wait to get home so I can change my clothes, throw the mat down, and waste a few hours bopping around like an idiot. I, uh… I don’t know about playing in public yet, but as sure as I say that, a few years from now I’ll be found selling plasma and fighting bums for aluminum cans so I can scrounge up a few bucks to feed the DDR machine at Incredible Pizza or something…

Although I’ve figured out an excellent solution to the crappy standard mat not working worth a shit on carpet (I got some of those foam floor pads that lock together like puzzle pieces and put them under the mat and HOLY CRAP WHAT A DIFFERENCE, aside from the mat working much better, it’s a lot more comfortable), I’m still going order a better one probably this week.

And I kind of need one with a USB adapter anyway. And I kind of need some sort of TV-out cable to connect my computer to my nice TV. Because I might have kind of downloaded Stepmania. Five words: “The Device Has Been Modified.” Of course I’m going to have to edit that one to dumb it waaaaaaay down, as it seems to only have a WALL OF ARROWS expert level but still, Portal remixes on a DDR clone, how awesome is that?

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.