chaobell | wooooooooo

January 16, 2009
I, George W. Bush, President of these United States of the Americas, pursuant to that pardon power thingy conferred upon me by Article II, Section 2, of that Constitution I keep hearing people go on about, have granted and by these presents do grant a full, free, and absolute pardon unto Chaobell — or as I like to call her, Tuna Poot — for the crime of bootlegging.

The aforementioned — not to mention the beforementioned — shall not be subject to any punishment for this crime, including imprisonment in a low security prison, burning at the stake or waterboarding. Well, maybe a little bit of waterboarding, but just for fun, ya know? Heh heh.

Being The Decider in Chief, I have hereby used my Decidering powers to declare that Chaobell is a faithful devotee of liberal, amoral atheism and is, as such, a technically decent but godless citizen of this great nation. To punish this person would almost certainly become a regular talking point on liberal blogs.

In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand today, on January 16, in the year of our Lord 2009 — which I totally cannot believe is actually here, and I still haven’t gotten my hovercraft — and of the Independence of the United States of America.

God bless,
George W. Bush

Get your own Presidential pardon here!

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.