the egg is now in a nest made of shitty swords and soft puppet ass

Mirrored from Fire of Unknown Origin.

So as we were unpacking and sorting stuff to go in my church’s garage sale, we came upon this doll. Matted, ratty hair. Missing an eye, and the eye you didn’t notice until you sat the doll up so her eyes opened and AAAH EMPTY EYE SOCKET. One of the guys managed to fix her hair a little and put it up in a ponytail, and that was better….

And then I came back from sorting some baby clothes or something and found a couple of them doing something with a bottle of glue. “We fixed her eye! :D” they said.

Uh-oh.

Mirrored from Fire of Unknown Origin.

I have seen Evangelion.

I know what LCL is.

I don’t want to eat it.

Mirrored from Fire of Unknown Origin.

I was going to do one of those vague “don’t click here” links with this, but you know what, no, I’m not going to do that to you.

I am just going to tell you straight up to not fucking click here because the link leads to an article about A SHEEP WITH A HUMAN FACE

And as if it’s not bad enough that the sheep has a human(ish) face, IT’S FUCKING SMILING

In conclusion: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

AAAH

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.

• It is delicious french fried wieners, you must eat. Bonus points for the cup of ketchup countersunk into a hole in a cabbage head.
• Meat. You’re right in liking it. OH THANK GOD, IT FELT SO WRONG. (Brought to you by the American Meat Institute.)
• A young Richard D. James endorses Van Camp’s Pork and Beans.
• HERE COMES A SPECIAL FLYING BUS
• There were clearly not enough potato lifeboats to save all of these peas.
• Mister Pickle takes a dip. …in Shell Industrial Lubricants, apparently.
• Okay, maybe meat isn’t so right after all. At least this meat isn’t. D:
• Oh my God what the HELL is this
• Theories on what’s going to happen in about five minutes: discuss. Tell me it’s not just my dirty mind at work here.
• This one seems innocuous enough… until you notice the huge barbecue fork in the dude’s hand, and then you realize it’s an episode of Cold Case waiting to happen.
• THE BEANS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD RUN TO THE BEANS
• This kid is about two seconds away from a service dog and Braille funnybooks.
• A pumpkin, a sharp knife, and beer. No, this totally isn’t a horrible accident in the making.
• Oh God, I’d heard the horror stories about C-rations, but I had no idea.
• WTF is it with creepy kids and Pork-N-Beans, man?
• SRSLY
• OM NOM NOM NOM
• Boiled dinner. …no, thank you D:
• I’m guessing this ad probably wouldn’t fly today.
• Sir, if you’re into that sort of thing that’s your business, but I’d rather not hear about it.

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.