the egg is now in a nest made of shitty swords and soft puppet ass

As you might have heard, South Carolina governor Mark Sanford just kind of up and disappeared a few days ago. If anyone knew where he was, they weren’t saying. Even his wife was all “lol IDK w/e ¯\(O_o)/¯” when asked about this.

Well, don’t worry–he’s fine. He just fucked off to go hiking for a couple of days, is all! Along the Appalachian Trail, over Father’s Day, which just happened to be the Summer Solstice, which just happens to be the traditional Appalachian Trail Naked Hiking Day.

…

…I’ll just let you savor that mental image for a moment. Or give you a moment to stab your brain out with a spoon, whichever you need. I mean, as long as he keeps his mouth shut he’s actually not a horrible-looking dude, but… yeah. That’s… that image is not how I wanted to start my day, not really, no.

Now before someone gets their panties in a bunch, nobody is saying that the governor of South Carolina actually went for a naked hike.

They’re just saying that the governor of South Carolina happened to be on or near the trail where naked hiking happens on the very day naked hiking happens, and nobody seemed to know or be willing to divulge beforehand that the governor of South Carolina was going to be hiking on or near the trail where naked hiking happens on the day naked hiking happens.

(I’m about to get bombarded with hits from people searching Google for “naked hiking,” aren’t I)

Originally published at Fire of Unknown Origin. You can comment here or there.